Currently: February

Currently living/working: February was a weird month. There was a blend of dog/housesitting (mostly me), press trip travel (Justin), travel to NJ/CT to take care of my mom (me), travel to Denver to see family, but perhaps more importantly, go to some concerts (Justin). And in between all the travel, we both worked a little. I started subbing at our local library again (like I did 2 years ago), just 2 days/week, while Justin continues his part-time Discover Denali visitor center job. 

Current mood: The truth is my mood is mostly hovering in dark place …

Currently worried about: I fully realize part of my languishing is the fact that I have caregiver burnout caught between the world of the well and the world of the sick. With no end in sight, it’s hard to move away from that despondent feeling. 

Current confession: We thought we learned a lot watching my dad slowly fade over the course of 3 months, but my mom definitely seems to have more lives than a cat. My sister obviously shoulders the bulk of the heavy lifting maintaining my mom’s quality of life (or dying). My brief week with my mom to give my sister a getaway during her winter break was so incredibly difficult. My mom is like a 79-year-old and a toddler at the same time (yes, for the reasons you are thinking). She never complains, but it’s clear she’s enduring a long, drawn out demise, barely managing to breathe through tiny straws. The process has just been relentlessly taxing, yet we continue to try to make the best decisions for her with the information we have.

Currently amazed by: Did you know the number of unpaid caregivers in the US rose from 43 million in 2015 to 53 million in 2020? Did you know that the prevalence of depression & anxiety among caregivers is over 30%? Just some facts to sit on.  

Currently thankful for: Even though we are both working this winter, we still have a lot of flexibility. Like I said, Justin went on a press trip this past month with Kahtoola Footwear Traction in Flagstaff, Arizona. We don’t receive press trip invites as frequently as we used to since we don’t write about gear as much anymore. But this was a ideal trip for Justin to jump on. And because Justin is Justin, once realized the trip was the same time as the Phoenix Open, he found a way to add on attending for 1 day! The Phoenix Open is not your typical golf tournament because it is a party atmosphere with both the spectators & players. Now that he had a little taste, he already has it on his list for next winter. 

Current guilty pleasure: Justin has gold status on Alaska Air in 2025 again, which means we get to fly 1st class occasionally and have lounge access. I am definitely getting spoiled!

Currently excited for: I’ll be returning as a volunteer for the Iditarod this year after a break last winter when I was caring for my mom. Justin & I are heading to the Anvik Checkpoint! The race will be very interesting this year, as the lack of snow changed the route. It starts in Fairbanks (versus down south near Anchorage), it’s longer (by 150 miles) with a smaller number of mushers (33, 16 of which are rookies with only 2 returning champions and 11 of which are women!). 

Currently regretting: I cherish my quiet winter mornings drinking my weak coffee with pumpkin pie spice creamer. Call it my vice, but since they only sell pumpkin spice creamer for like 2 months in the grocery store, I stock up. Let’s be clear, I have restrained my “coffee” (creamer) drinking to the winter months only. I don’t need coffee for caffeine, but for comfort. Justin sleeps later than I do in the winter, so I have my morning ritual of sitting in the dark with my coffee & doomscrolling until he wakes up & I can move around the cabin without disturbing him. Anyway, I purchased 5 pumpkin spice creamers, and I ran out this week! Note to self: 5 bottles of creamer are not enough for 3 months (gross, Patrice, gross).   

Currently proud of: I haven’t quite gotten the elevator pitch down about “what we do for work,” but I pretty much have called us self-employed since 2011 with varied income stream that range from independent gigs to part-time jobs. We somehow mostly get to decide & readjust our budget every year to realign it with “how much grind do we need to enjoy A, B, C, D.” Anyway, all this to say that another writing opportunity came my way without even trying when a friend recommended me. I am eternally grateful when things like this happen since I’ve had zero motivation to pitch articles in a long time. 

Currently not excited for: I filed my mom’s taxes while I was on the East Coast, and lucky me, I get the pleasure of handling two sets of taxes again this year!!!! My goal is to tackle ours in the next few weeks … 

Currently reading: I needed some passive engagement in a fictional world after all the learning I did from nonfiction books last month. As I perused my fiction TBR list, I realized I have very few choices. I can’t deny that I am a nonfiction or historical fiction girl, but I am trying to stray to “light and fluffy” every once in awhile! I need to add more Kristin Hannah, Barbara Kingslover & Anne Patchett so I have fiction options I know I will like. 

I read Michelle Theall’s newest book The Wind Will Catch You (I worked for Michelle at Backpacker & Alaska Magazine over the years.) While this was a fictional story, it didn’t really stray too far from the truth. It follows the lives of two orphans ping ponging around the foster system with highlights of addiction and old-fashioned rigid Catholic rules interspersed in the plot. I loved the twists & turns that kept unfolding & kept me engaged. Michelle’s writing always checks the boxes for a stellar book: engagement, enlightenment & entertainment. 

Like I said, my fiction list is short, so I’ve been just picking some according to library availability. This month, I went with a reread of one of my favorite books I read in college, The Awakening by Kate Chopin. Granted the setting is the 19th century, but the themes of female self ownership, freedom & independence are timeless. 

Currently watching on Netflix/Peacock: Because of the dearth of new Below Deck episodes, we’ve forced ourselves to diversify. Some favorites recently have been: To Catch a Killer (Netflix), Don’t Move (Netflix) and Speak No Evil (Peacock). We also watched La Palma limited series (Netflix) and just started Apple Cider Vinegar (Netflix).