Currently: December

Currently living/working: It’s been an eventful month, and I’m so grateful for the carefree time in Mexico, because it’s all gone downhill! Let’s see, where to start? While we were in Denver visiting Justin’s family for Christmas, Justin ended up in the hospital. Apparently, he had a bacterial infection—unrelated to Mexico, but related to one of his Crohn’s medications. I left his hospital bedside in Denver to fly to NJ because my mom started declining. One patient wanted new intestines for Christmas, the other desired new lungs. Anyway, Justin is out of the hospital, and in fact, is back in Alaska. But my life is still on hold and I anticipate being in NJ indefinitely to tend to my mom’s fate. 

Current mood: Merry Grinchmas. 

Currently worried about: In November, my sister and I thought we had mapped out my mom’s trajectory. I was adamant our planning for an independent living facility would alleviate some scrambling. But, as is typical in life, all the things that you worry about beforehand are not the things that you end up having problems with. Instead, her late-stage emphysema (lifelong smoker) took her breath away a little more in December and my sister took her in her home mid-month. I’ve now brought her back to her home, and we are planning for hospice care instead. 

Currently thankful for: There is a profound beauty in being by my mom’s side as she approaches the end of her life, mirroring the way she was there at the beginning of mine. I’ve been humbled to discover a new level of caregiving. (And for everyone worried that I am facing this alone, rest assured that I am not. My sister and Justin would be here in a heartbeat if I let them, and I’ve had a few good friends in constant contact through the challenges. I don’t feel alone or burdened by it). 

Currently amazed by: If there is such a thing as a silver lining to Justin’s hospitalization, the 8 days in Denver turned out to be good timing. It spared us the challenges of Mexico, or waiting until he returned to remote Healy where he would have been all alone. 

Currently not excited for: When I turned 45 in August, I noticed that I had to start using my dollar store peepers every morning & evening to look at my phone or read a book. I didn’t need them during the day to look at my laptop. This past week, I started having to use them ANYTIME I glance at my phone, book or laptop. GRRRRRRR, the frustrations of aging are undeniable. 

Currently proud of: I use AllTrails to track hikes, skis and bike rides through the years, and it turns out my activities added up to 245 miles this year!! I’m super stoked because I have purposely been working to increase my fitness particularly during the winter time. Since moving to Alaska, my stats were 68 miles in 2020, 92 miles in 2021 and 142 miles in 2022. 

Current guilty pleasure: I’m gonna hold onto the fact that I spent 27 days in Mexico because right now because my life doesn’t feel very full of glamorous guilty pleasures. Unless you can count the 9-10 Hallmark/Great American Family Christmas movies I’ve watched in the last 96 hours (my mom’s choice, and I don’t blame her for wanting to watch something that brings her peace). 

Current confession: For all my assertive claims statements about not loving the darkness in Alaska, it seems I may just miss all of it, as I’m in NJ for the foreseeable future. I am just where I’m supposed to be, yet I can’t deny feeling a bit nostalgic for the land where sunrise seamlessly fades into sunset, the mind trip of only 5 hours of light (more like dusk), and the needles of the spruce trees glistening in frost.  

Currently regretting: Being someone who thrives on setting and achieving goals, I thought since I managed to read 28 books in 2022, setting my 2023 goal for 30 books would be a breeze. But NOPE. I disappointed myself by only reading 26 books this year. And to add to the disappointment, many of the books I read this year were just meh. 

Currently reading: Speaking of books I didn’t love, the 2 this month fell into the mediocre category—Boys in the Boat: Nine Americans and Their Epic Quest for Gold at the 1936 Berlin Olympics by Daniel James Brown and Never Broken: Songs are Only Half the Story by Jewel. Both were rags to riches stories, but just seemed like they were telling a chronological turn of events. This happened, then that happened, then that, then that. The style just didn’t jive with me. I actually haven’t quite finished the Jewel book, so maybe it’ll improve and catch my attention. 

Currently watching on Netflix/Peacock/HBO Max/Starz/AMC: Really nothing while Justin & I were traveling. And now, nonstop Hallmark Christmas movies …